So things really haven’t changed much since my last post–which is great. Really. It is. But why do I feel so… I don’t know, weird?
I haven’t had any delusional incidents with knives, or any crickets conspiring against me, or imaginary voices keeping me awake at night (which managed to be as annoying as it was disturbing), or the urge for suicide.
I’m setting aside time for my friends, I’m enjoying my classes, I’m finding the time for things I enjoy doing.
So… why the hell do I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself?
Don’t get me wrong–I’m definitely not complaining. I wouldn’t want to backtrack for all the money in the world (and as a typically poor college student, I think that’s saying something).
It’s more like… when you’ve been in a room with loud music playing and suddenly the music stops, but it still echoes in your mind and you still find yourself shouting to be heard, even though the room is quiet now.
Unclear? Here’s a better example, then.
It’s like when you’ve spent most of your life, if not the whole thing, living in literal darkness. Underground, maybe. Or in the shadows. It doesn’t matter. But then suddenly you discover the light–and your eyes have to take a while to adjust, but once they do, the daytime world is worth seeing.
My mental eyes are adjusting, I think.
I guess a person doesn’t go from severe, psychotic depression to “normality” overnight. There’s a transition involved.
It’s a transition I’m willing to make.
I may have wandered into unfamiliar territory here, but… I plan on staying.