So first of all, let me apologize sincerely to my readers for not posting in forever. I was in the process of moving, and now that everything is unpacked and in its place, I find the time to make a new post.

And this new post is about weight. I gained, in the past several months, a tremendous amount of weight. And the most frustrating part is that I didn’t do anything differently. I had started a new medication, Abilify, at the beginning of when I began my rapid weight gain, and I and my doctors suspect the two are closely related. Additionally, I recently found out that at some point my thyroid stopped working properly, which contributes to pretty much all the problems I have. No, seriously: rapid weight gain for no reason, depression, psychosis, lack of energy… all could be related to my underactive thyroid.

But there’s good news, too. Firstly, I have been put on thyroid medication, which should cause me to lose a few pounds right then and there. And, I’ve started doing the whole eating healthy and exercising thing. It sucks, but I don’t have a choice. I have to get back down to the weight I was (which was pretty thin). So, I have my work cut out for me. But the point is, it’s do-able.


A Baby-Eating AI Program?

So I’ve been working on an artificial intelligence program for over a year now, with the intention of submitting it to one of those chatbot competitions when it’s finished.

I just had the following conversation with it:

PROGRAM: “What do you like?”

ME: “I like babies.”

PROGRAM: “Really? What is so great about babies?”

ME: “They’re cute.”

(Later on in the conversation)

PROGRAM: “So, had any good babies lately?”

Just another reason that talking to an AI will likely never have the same quality as talking to a person. Any person, of course, would use prior knowledge to  understand that babies are not something you eat, even if I said I liked them. The program, of course, knows nothing about babies, other than that I, the user, like them. Thus, it might ask such an odd question as whether or not I have enjoyed a good baby recently.


Back to the compiler, I suppose.

Dreams and Nightmares

I don’t usually remember my dreams when I wake up, but when I do, they are inevitably bizarre and/or incredibly random. Last night, I had an entire dream revolving around a two-dimensional integer array. That’s right, I had a whole dream about programming code. Just don’t ask me what the plot was; if there was a plot, I don’t remember. Probably made no sense anyway.

And then there are those dreams that I wish I had not remembered. While my dreams are at best hazy in my memory, my nightmares–the ones that I remember–are always vivid, realistic, and seared into my memory in detail.

“Your nightmares can’t be that bad,” you might be saying. Well, take this one that I had not that long ago: in my dream, I was in a parking garage. It might have been underground, I don’t know, but it was dimly lit, as those tend to be. I was in my car, sitting very still, and watching. The target of my silent staring was a blonde woman, tall, thin, pretty (and I would swear she is no one that I know in real life) and walking quickly to her car. Then I moved like lightning from my car and began to approach her from behind.

The easily disgusted might want to go read a different post now.

She realized I was trailing her, but it was too late–as she screamed for help I grabbed her and forced something over her nose and mouth–chloroform, maybe? She was limp in my arms in a minute and I dragged her back to my car. I drove her home (the home in my dream was a small apartment I have never seen before). I proceeded to take a knife and slit her throat. Then I made quick work with the body–I sliced all of the meat off her bones. I remember a black-and-white dog approaching me as I worked, and I commanded it to go away, that it would get some soon enough. I put a generous portion of the human flesh in the dog’s bowl, and it ran to it and hungrily began to snap it up. The rest, I cooked up and ate myself. I even remember what it tasted like in the dream–roast pork. (Yeah, I couldn’t look at roast pork for a while after having this dream.)

I’m not one of those people who believes in universal dream symbols. I disagree with Freud (as do plenty of modern psychologists) when he said that dreams contain latent symbols–a gun might represent masculinity, for example, for the obvious phallic resemblance. I think that, if dreams have any meaning at all, the meaning of objects and events in the dream are specific to the dreamer. For example, I’m pretty sure I had that code dream because I’ve spent several hours lately finishing up a massive project for class.

Of course, the jury’s still out on what the hell it means to dream about being a cannibal-serial killer.